The Performance Paradox: Why Your Strongest Players Are the Least Likely to Ask for Help

Explore why high-performing athletes struggle to ask for mental health support and how the stigma of mental toughness can lead to burnout.

By Scott K. Wilder · Mental Toughness and Readiness

I recently watched a MasterClass with Wayne Gretzky, and one moment stuck with me.

He talked about growing up playing multiple sports—not just hockey. He ran track, which helped with speed and balance. He played baseball, which sharpened his hand-eye coordination. But the most important benefit?

He didn't burn out on hockey at a young age.

That hit differently when I think about the athletes I work with now—high school kids doubling down on a single sport, playing year-round, terrified to take a break. The pressure to specialize early is intense. The fear of falling behind is real. And increasingly, I'm seeing the cost.

Then I came across research that made me realize: we might be setting these kids up for something worse than burnout.

We Reward "Mental Toughness" Until It Breaks People

A study published in BMC Psychiatry examined what prevents young elite athletes from seeking help for mental health challenges like depression and anxiety. The findings stopped me in my tracks.

44% of the barriers these athletes identified related to stigma—the fear of being seen as weak, unable to cope, or not "handling the pressure."

Think about that. Nearly half of what stops top performers from getting help is the fear of what others will think.

And this isn't just a locker room problem—it's a boardroom problem, a classroom problem, a 'wherever ambitious people gather' problem.

The Performance Paradox

Here's what floored me: Athletes felt completely comfortable seeing a sport psychologist for performance issues—goal-setting, managing competition nerves, improving focus. That was acceptable, even expected.

But seeking help for depression, anxiety, or emotional struggles? That was different. That was stigmatized.

One athlete put it perfectly: "You don't want them to think that you're not handling the pressure... That's the thing with athletes, like you're not really supposed to show your weaknesses kind of thing, 'cause that like lets your competitors know."

When I read that, I thought about the kids I work with who train every single day. The ones grinding through club seasons, showcases, camps, private training—all while managing school, social pressure, and the weight of college recruitment.

What happens when one of them hits a wall? When it's not just fatigue from a hard practice, but something deeper?

Do they feel safe saying it out loud?

Three Things That Actually Sound Like This

The research identified three major barriers. Here's what they look like in real life:

1. Stigma

"I can't let coach think I'm soft."

The fear isn't abstract. It's specific. It's about losing playing time, losing respect, losing the identity they've built their entire life around.

1. Mental Health Literacy

"I'm just tired."

When you're pushing your body to extremes every day, how do you know the difference between training fatigue and depression? Between competitive stress and clinical anxiety?

The athletes in the study described this perfectly: they would "blame their depression and anxiety on fatigue, when it might not be the fatigue creating the depression."

We're teaching kids to push through everything. Sometimes that's the exact wrong lesson.

1. Fear of the Unknown

"They'll bench me" / "I'll lose my spot."

Athletes don't know what happens when they admit they're struggling. So they assume the worst. And in high-stakes environments, those assumptions aren't always wrong.

The Gretzky Principle: High Performance Requires Recovery

Wayne Gretzky played multiple sports not just to build different skills—but to avoid burning out on the one he loved most.

High performance requires recovery cycles, not just work cycles.

But we've created a culture—in sports, in school, in business—where taking a break feels like falling behind. Where rest is weakness. Where admitting you're struggling means you're not tough enough.

That's not toughness. That's a system designed to break people.

Your Culture Is a Top-Down Permission Structure

When the researchers asked athletes what would most facilitate seeking support, the coach's attitude came out on top—ranking higher than friends, family, and teammates combined.

Not the mental health professional. Not their support system. The coach.

Here's what that means: The people we report to—coaches, managers, parents, team leaders—have an outsized influence on whether we feel safe asking for help.

Culture isn't what you say in the team meeting. It's what your players believe will happen if they admit they're struggling.

What actually makes a difference:

• Leaders who model vulnerability - When coaches talk about their own challenges, it gives athletes permission
• Explicit signals that wellbeing matters - If the coach doesn't visibly value mental health, the team will view it as a career liability
• Accessible, stigma-free resources - Anonymous options for those not comfortable with face-to-face support
• Language that normalizes struggle - Mental health is like the weather: it's always changing, and you don't have to "be" the storm to acknowledge it's raining

What You Can Do Monday Morning

1. Talk About It

Share your own experience with stress, pressure, or needing support. When leaders model vulnerability, it signals safety.

1. Define the Red Flags

Help your athletes (or your team) distinguish between "hard week" and "something's wrong." Make it okay to call it out. Normalize the difference between fatigue and depression.

1. Make Resources Visible

Don't assume people know where to go. Talk about it. Make it easy. And make it clear there's no penalty for using it.

1. Question the Year-Round Grind

If Gretzky—the greatest hockey player of all time—needed breaks from hockey to stay healthy and love the game, maybe your 15-year-old does too.

The Bottom Line

High performers—whether athletes, students, or professionals—build their identity on strength, resilience, and exceeding expectations.

But that same identity can become a prison when they're struggling.

The question isn't whether your athletes will face mental health challenges. Statistics tell us many will.

The question is: Will your culture allow them to seek help, or will it push them to suffer in silence?

As coaches, as parents, as leaders—we have to do better.

I'm curious: Which of the three barriers—Stigma, Mental Health Literacy, or Fear of the Unknown—do you see most in your sport or industry?

Source: Gulliver, A., Griffiths, K.M., & Christensen, H. (2012). Barriers and facilitators to mental health help-seeking for young elite athletes: a qualitative study. BMC Psychiatry, 12:157.

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